Aasdkk. Sigh

I am so terrified
That you won't come back to me
Some would question why it is that I care so much
They question
Because they do not understand
-If you don't mind me stating the obvious-
I just look forward to it all
I refuse to not have it


-I can't fall apart again.

Why does hope exist ?

I have too much.
I can never let go.
I can't give up.

Blehhh.
Ajshdiwowkwheueod.

This is so unhealthy.
But if I let go , I have nothing.
You're all I hold onto.
Because at the end of the day , you're all that I want. <3

it had been four months .

i saw you on a tuesday
it was everything i thought it would be ,
but not everything i wanted it to be.

each kiss , tore at me.
yet , made me the happiest ive been since you left.

i still cant believe it. we touched

when i grabbed your hand , and you closed your fingers around mine ..
i all of a sudden remembered what it was like ...
to feel loved. to be happy. to smile

im not me without you , dear.

youre so beautiful and i have every ounce of hope in the depth of my heart ,
waiting on you to find your way back to me.

please dont stay astray for far too long.

-ill always love you. you know that <3

I'm 17. I don't need to be stressing out this much.

I know you said you'd see me ,
But I fear you'll change your mind.
Please don't do that to me.
I need this.
You need this.
We need to see each other to see where we stand with this.

I can't eat or sleep.
Not because I'm sad.
It's because I'm excited for the first time in forever. <3
please don't take that away from me.

-I love you and I believe we can be happy together again.

Memories stuck in my head ..

I can't breathe.
You still ,
Haven't made your way back to me.
I need to know ,
Am I hopelessly hoping ?

-buried in the past.
there's so many moments I want back ..

losing sleep , holding onto my hope.

You now invade my dreams.
I had the perfect one last night.
It was about your return.
It was everything I wanted it to be.
But darling , I need that in reality.

Terrified to go to sleep ,
In fear of thinking of you ..
I'll just become an insomniac.

No matter how much my eyes long for sleep ,
My thoughts go aray when I try to put my mind to rest.
Memories fill my head when my heart needs a break the most.
I can't quit thinking about everything.
Our loving past,
Our miserable present,
Our possibly impossible future.

Reminders of your love tear at me.
I can't be completely happy without you <3

-if only you felt the same. then I could sleep a little better at night ..




... My smile was taken long ago.

I was stupid to think I'll ever be okay with this ..

I had a dream last night.
You were back. As soon as we saw each other , we hugged. We kissed. Then we were in some place and I was hugging you again. I had missed you for so long and I didn't want to let you go ever again. I refused to. But I did. And we walked out of the place to your car. When I got into my seat , the passenger side like always , I slid down in the seat because I was so exhausted. You said to me "you're laying the wrong way" you meant that I was supposed to be laying on you. So I asked "why do you say that" and you answered , "I realized you're the one" that made me so happy to hear that. So I kissed you. I told you that I loved you and you said "I love you too" and I asked "are you sure?" and you said "yes"
Everything I've been hoping to happen , happened
And I was so happy for the first time in the longest time.
And it all felt so real ...
Then I woke up.

And I cried.

All I want is for this dream to come true <3
I've never loved anyone. Not one boy.
Just you.
And to not have you , hurts my heart everyday.